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Britain's Got 'Talent'

This is what happens when you venture to the 'rents on a Saturday night... Britain's Got Talent.
I've never seen this show before, which I'm quite glad about, because it is pure shocking, though very funny to watch with my parents.

I'm still confused as to why Amanda Holden is a judge??

Mud gorning

Had this little screen open for a while now. I would have had this finished a long time ago had it not been for my friend Ellie pestering me to play Lexulous on Facebook.

So, hello 24. So far today I have:

Worn the wrong jeans (see: photos)

Put on a different perfume to yesterday (Gucci II... the scent kind of falls off you. I feel like I should be reapplying it every ten minutes, it's such a beautiful fragrance)

Seen absolutely no one I like or love

Received no cards, but one present

Eaten an awesome bowl of Special K Bliss (chocolate and strawberry, no less)

Really not feeling too inspired today. Thought a lot about the ridiculousness of shouting 'OI' to someone in a busy street.

Hoochie mama

So, here it is. Last day of being 23. Quick round up of what I've done so far:

Got up

Had a shower

Put on clean jeans (special occasion innit)

Wore my favourite perfume (L by De Lolita Lempicka if you were wondering)

Ambled to work (took a train, it was full of arsehole kids going somewhere. They had no guardian with them, which worried me. They're going to get into all sorts of japes, I'm sure. There was also a woman on the train who took about 10 minutes to find her seat, which just happened to be the one I was sat in. There should be some sort of rule. It wasn't a big train, three carriages max, why has it taken you this long to find your seat you dozy mare? My new rule states that if you aren't in your seat 10 minutes from the train departing from the station on your ticket, you lose your seat for being a total idiot.)

Watched a guide dog chew its own foot. I could not stop laughing. Silly thing.

Ate a pastrami and gherkin sandwich for breakfast (well, you're only 23 years, 364 days old once)

Listened to a colleague's sordid tales from the night before

My friend Leanne told me that her nan has a guide dog, but she only pretends to be blind for attention. Once they went to the Tate gallery in Liverpool, and her nan stood, like, 3cms from a picture to make out like she couldn't see it. Old people are funny. I'll be old tomorrow.

BRB, going to cry.

Came here to recount all sorts of awesome tales, but now that I'm here I can't remember any of them.
Had a very stressful day getting everything sorted for the end of year finance gubbins. We're obsessed with money, aren't we? It's mental. Having to accrue money over from last years budget to this years unless you'll lose it?! Lose it where, exactly?! Can't we just have one long budget that just gets topped up every month, a little bit like a salary?
I used to think that salaries got paid at the start of the year, the entire lump sum. Used to baffle me something rotten, 'BUT HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS??? I'D SURELY SPEND IT ALL!'
I was wrong, like, of course it gets paid every month, but I don't think I'd be wrong about people spending it all at once. I did that with my student loan, nightmare.

Tomorrow is my final day of being 23. I feel thoroughly old and worn. I have wrinkles round my eyes. This teaches me one thing: stop smiling so much. It also tells me: BOTOX, BOTOX, PLASTIC SURGERY. Damn right I'm having placky surgo. I'm not looking old ever. Not a channy.

Anyway, 24, I await your evil clutches.

Zombies - what to do when they arrive.

I think I've watched enough zombie movies to know what to do and what not to do when they finally arrive.
I am definitely taking the stance of MIlla Jovovich in my favourite film, Resident Evil; sexy and hard as fook. There's no zombie-messing with Milla (character name: ALICE), she just goes straight in, boots a-blazing. Her only problem is with HUMANS, who are always getting her down (not Eric Mabius, though), like her HUSBAND, SPENCE! And those guys who take Matt off to the Nemesis Project.
I think I've totally outed myself as a huge fan of the Resident Evil films. Well, guess what? I am. Anything with zombies in. They're going to come, you know - I'll be well prepared when they do. Got myself a nice YSL dress and shiny leather boots to sort them out with. Alternatively, I could be like Frank West, a total fag with a camera taking pictures of womens boobs for points.

Flying cars are a bad idea.

I just don't really get this. Why would you want a flying car? It would have to be the most sturdy machine around... might as well use a helicopter, it's basically the same thing, or even the old classic; THE AEROPLANE. We have this to fly, we don't need to be messing around flying cars, it would be pandemonium. You can't draw lines in the sky and expect cars to keep in their path. And they'd be getting in the way of birds and aeroplanes and helicopters. And what if they all started to drop out of the sky? Loads of car crashes happen everyday, it would be chaos.
No, sorry, I'm not buying it.

Just a quick one...

And it's not even a moan, here are 3 great things about today:

1. New Bill Callahan album. I love him. He and I should be together forever.

2. I was browsing through a big pile of crap in my bedroom in my parents house, and I came across a promo CD by Thirteen:13. Remember them? I effin' loved them circa '01. I will be listening to that for the rest of the day. If anyone wants it uploaded (I'm aware that no one reads this blog, therefore I don't feel bad about thinking that I probably won't do this), I will upload it for you. Schmucks.

3. I got up at about 6.30am. I love mornings. Hurrah, non-wasted Saturday.

Okay, that's enough cheer for now. TTFN bozos.

Spoiled by the internet

It kills me when people don't take notice of things, I get so riled.
I think less people take notice of things these days because we have the internet, and you don't have to know where something is to be able to find it straight away. We're lazy.

I say we, I am the exception as I take notice of pretty much everything in the world.

I'm in work and bored. The thought of actually doing work is making me want to fall asleep. Forget it.